M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
