I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
