we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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