How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
