that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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