Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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