the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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