you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
