I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
