I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
