even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
