I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
