Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We are two peas in an std pod
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
