got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
