We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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