can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
