Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
honey bunches of taint.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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