I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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