my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
