Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My life is pants optional.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
