Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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