just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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