is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
