I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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