How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
