i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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