Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
