first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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