GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The Olympian is in my bed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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