i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
