He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
