How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
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my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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