I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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