Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
