When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
