So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just want to make out with him forever
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
