Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
