'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
