pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
