Sponge bath it is.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize