i permit you to call me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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