So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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