my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
