took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
