based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
