I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
