is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
