I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
