so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry about my life...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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