Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
