i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize