sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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