Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im holly from the hills drunk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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