i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
