I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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