so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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