Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
