i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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