I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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