Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
