just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
we should paint friendship bongs
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