So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
