I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
